Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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