dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
