I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
