i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
