Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
