I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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