I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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