Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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