honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
