She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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