It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
