i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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