Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
