i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
