That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
