hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
