She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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