Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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