You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
