So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
