Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A bitchslap is in order.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
