So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
