I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
