Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
