He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
