i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
