Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
