my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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