Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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