I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
