I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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