My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
