its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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