You're my little dorito
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
