im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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