OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Randomize
