Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
