Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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