How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
