You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
