Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
