booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
