yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
