Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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