Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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