HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So vagazzling was a success
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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