My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
