Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
