My room smells like vodka and shame
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
