Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
