Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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