so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
