It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
